Queen Thirrin Battles Cooking
by essicajay
Summary: Cry of the Icemark Oskan forces our beloved queen to learn how to cook... Somehow. Rated for language
1. BETSY

Yeah.. I should be updating my fics, since this is some rare time I can write Fanfics, but I have writers block -- and this topic was to tempting, and there wasn't any 'Cry Of the Icemark' Fanfics.

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**Thirrin** Freer Strong-in-the-Arm Lindenshield, Wild Cat of the North, and renowned queen of Icemark was up to her biggest, most dangerous battle yet: cooking. 

"Oh Come on," Oskan, the Royal Advisor/ Warlock said.

"You cook no better then Wolf-Folk! You need to learn how to cook if their are no servants around!"

"I'll get you to cook for me" She huffed, hands crossed against chest.

"Well, what if I wouldn't do it?" He said, a smirk on his face.

"I'd slay your head off..." She grumbled.

But some how, she was in the kitchen, and was making the nights dinner.

"Lets see...three eggs... four cups of flower... ten carrots..."

"What?" Oskan said, grabbing the book.

"I see her majesty has the royal cook book pages stuck together" he laughed.

"Gimme that!" The Queen yelled and snatched it from the young Warlock.

"Ok... three eggs..." Thirrin said.

"Where do I get three eggs..." She murmured.

"Go get them from the chickens, its only reasonable."

She stared, mouth hanging open.

"What? Me? Getting chicken eggs? You are insane, my dear friend, insane."

Oskan glared.

"If you don't get the chicken eggs I'll...Melt all you armour and chain mail to..melted metal!" He grinned.

"You wouldn't dare, or I'll cut off you head."

"I stole your sword."

"WHAT?"

"You heard me, I stole your sword!"

"You will pay.."

"I'll only give it back if you get the chicken eggs!"

"Fine, I'll go get the damn chicken eggs." She yelled and stormed off to the chicken coops.

The (royal)chicken coop she picked to get eggs from was one with a very sour hen with one eye called Betty, and did not like people stealing her eggs.

"Lets see.." Thirrin mumbled as she looked at the hens.

"What do I do... Oh! I lift the chicken and take their eggs!" She said, and coincidentally picked betty to get the eggs from.

"This should be easy..." she thought as she aproached the animal.

"Thats it little birdie, don't move, now just stay still and-Ow!" Thirrin cried as the 'Little Birdie' clawed her with her sharp talons.

"Oh yeah missy?" Thirrin grumbled rolling up her sleaves.

"Here Birdie, I just want your eggs, not you. " Thirrin said, a fake smile on her face.

The hen squaked and jumped in the air, and started biting the queens hands. The Queen was not amused.

"Come here you Damn bird..." She growled, and lunged for it, knocking over a barrel, which was under a hole in the roof to collect rain water.The barrel's contents spilled all over her majesty, and Betsy. The hen puffed up its white chest, and walked away. Thirrin was about to go after it, but she then noticd the hen had lft its eggs.

"Stupid bird..." She grumbled as she collected them. She then took a step backward, and slipped on some straw.

"Today is not my day..." She moaned, getting up and grabbibg bit of egg shells out of her hair.

"Not today..."

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Review please! I wanna meet other Icemarky fans! 


	2. Bob the peasant

Thank you all so much for your comments! ICEMARK ROCKS! I can't wait for the movie, can you? Anyway, have fun reading this, I might not update for aweek or two becauseI have to reread the book. I've forgottenalot about the characters, especially Oskan. That's whythere's not much of him. Still, enjoy!

(Oh, I own nothin'.)

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When Thirrin came back, Oskan, instead of laughing his head off, just smiled and shook his head.

"You can beat an army a million times stronger, but you can't even collect eggs. I wish I had a drawn picture of this." Thirrin just grumbled, cleaned up a bit, then went out to the city to buy the eggs. The first vendor she came to was a peasant named Bob McPeaasantson, who came from a very proud line of peasants.

"Hello. I am Thirrin Freer strong-in-the-arm Lindenshield, AKA your QUEEN. I demand three eggs."

Now bob wasn't a bright man, but he did know about the world, so he guessed she was a random maniac who was currently under the influence of believing she was the Beloved queen.

"Riiiiight miss, " he laughed. "I'm sure you are. That'll be three shillings for the three eggs."

Thirrin glared at him, and started yelling at him.

"I'll cut your head off as soon as Oskan gives me his sword!" She growled after fifteen minutes of yelling.

"Whatever lady." He said.

She glared and sulked off. Next she came to a little girl selling eggs. She decided to be nice this time.

"Little girl, I am Thirrin, your Queen. I am in dire need of three eggs. Please give me some." The little girl looked up at her with big eyes..

" Sure you can, Queen Thirrin, but instead of paying for them, please listen to my concerns for the Queendom." Thirrin sighed, but agreed.

"#1 The smoke from machinery is littering the sky, making it hard to breath." The little girl read off a list she had taken out of pocket. Apparently she had been preparing for this moment.

About 56 concerns later, our heroine politely told the little girl that that's all the concerns she could handle today, and to make up for all the rest she would pay full price. She came back to the palace triumphant and proud, carrying her eggs carefully. But instead of hearing Oskan shower her with praise, he stared.

"WHAT TOOK YOU SO LONG? IT TAKES 5 MINUTES FOR NORMAL PEOPLE! It's been almost a HOUR!" you guessed it, Oskan yelled.

Thirrin just shrugged.

"Go get the flour now. "

Now Thirrin knew where to get flour of course. The mill! Who didn't? Duh. Such and easy answer….

So she mounted her trusty horse Blizen(it's an awesome random name) and rode off. Soon she came to a mill. It was ran by Candy and Erin, who were married. She came over to Candy first.

"I ask for some flour, please. Four or five cups should do it." She asked. Candy freaked out and fainted. It's not everyday a queen comes to you to ask for flour. She went over to Erin.

"May I have some flour?" She asked, yet again.

"TAKE IS ALL, MY HIGHNESS!" He yelled, and fainted.

"Um, 4 cups are enough, thanks. " And she went over to wherever the heck they keep four in a mill, 'cause I don't know, I've never even seen one, and took a bag, and walked off, wondering about the wisdom of the people of her queendom.

As she was walking back, two people suddenly appeared right in front of her. Before she could pull out her sword, one of them, a blonde girl, came up to her and asked sweetly, "Excuse me, where are we?"

Thirrin blinked and said "Icemark, of course."

"Damn! Wrong book, Farid. " She yelled to her male companion. He swore too, and they walked off to the forest where she could hear them talking and reading. The teen queen shook her head and rode off to the palace, to have yet another adventure with…COOKING!

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Oh, one more thing. As some of you might know, Meggie and Farid fromInkheartmade an apearance. Yay... Anyway, if you want them to apear again, type 'monkey'. If not, type 'NOOOO'.

Bye for now!


End file.
